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Alicia James plagued by fear and doubts

Jamaica Gleaner / Plagued by fear and doubt from very early in her life, Alicia James endured many missed opportunities and much rejection.

She told Family & Religion that the fear derived from early childhood experiences and the verbal abuse she endured as a child.

The belief that she was worthless and could do nothing right stayed with her throughout high school and into adulthood.

“I had so much fear that I could not sleep at nights. Even in my dreams, things would happen that would cause me to wake up breathless, and I couldn’t understand it.

“And even with 11 CSEC passes, I left high school feeling worthless and hopeless. I could not get a job for nearly 10 years. I stayed home and was living a reckless life, like someone with no future,” she said.

James said that though she eventually gave her life to God, she didn’t last very long in the church.

“I got pregnant with my first child, and that event was a painful one for me. This caused me to sink deeper into depression,” she said, noting that she lost weight.

Having had a second child and secured a job, James expressed that she was still depressed, lost and unfulfilled.

“It got worse in June 2009. I was coming up against opposition from all angles. I remember attending a church conference and when the service was over, I said in my heart, ‘Lord if you do not help me now, I am going to leave here and go kill myself’. As I got up to leave, the pastor called me. I got up, and as I did so, the tears began to fall.

“He spoke some things to me that were so true and I wept like a baby that night and decided to give my life to God,” she said.

James told Family & Religion that God gradually began to use her and reveal her purpose.

James, who now serves as co- director for the Children’s Ministry at her church and as the assistant treasurer for the Jamaica 4-H Clubs Staff Association, testifies that she has been fully delivered from a life of doubt and fear, adding that she is now able to make public presentations.

“Today, I have matured so much in God and have learnt so much that it overwhelms me at times. Once I thought I was worthless, but now I see myself through God’s eyes, and I see purpose and a great destiny. I love and appreciate me more now, and for that I give God thanks as I watch Him work for me.

“I want to encourage those facing similar issues that God did not make us to suffer these things. He sent His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, to die for us so that we can have life eternal. These tormenting spirits are from the devil, and his assignment is to steal, kill and destroy. Don’t allow Satan to manipulate your life any longer. Jesus is ready to rescue you if you call His name,” she said.

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