Jamaica Gleaner / Q Doc, could you give me a good advice about my fiance? He is slightly older than me (he is 21), and he has a lot more sexual experience. When I met him, I was a virgin.
I like sex with him. It is mostly real enjoyable. But recently he has been demanding that we try all sorts of different positions.
Is there any point in all this stuff? I just like the ‘ordinary’ man-on-top position that I have always been used to! Thanks.
A Well, I don’t think you should be pressurised into any position that you don’t like. However, maybe you should keep an open mind about the advantages of certain postures!
There are literally dozens and dozens of possible sex positions. I have seen books which list 52: one for every week of the year. And there are even websites which claim (rather improbably!) to list 365 different ones, to cover every DAY of the year. In reality, many of these positions are very little different from each other. For instance, one position only differs from one of the others because the guy bends his left elbow.
However, it is true that trying certain positions can be an advantage. For instance:
* Many women find certain positions (including the regular one) uncomfortable. So in these cases, it is a good idea to try something else;
* Quite a few positions give the male easier access to the female’s clitoral area with his fingers. These positions greatly increase the chance that she will be able to orgasm.
OK, so you are quite happy with the ‘traditional’ one, which is with the woman flat on her back, and the man lying on top of her. Fair enough, but you might find it fun to try other things occasionally.
In particular, there is a position called ‘the spoons’ which a lot of couples find helpful, particularly because it increases the chances of sexual satisfaction for the female. If you want to try it, all you have to do is to lie on your left side in bed. Your fiance than ‘cuddles up’ behind you, so that you are snuggled together like two spoons in a drawer.
He then enters your vagina from behind. But the main point of this position is that he can now reach round with his right hand, and stimulate the area of your clitoris. Often, this is real useful in enabling the female to reach a climax, when she could not do so before.
Anyway, please talk all this over with your fiance. I hope he will agree to try ‘the spoons,’ which I think you will find of practical value.
Q As a guy of 21, I am frustrated by the fact that I have never managed to have sex with a girl. On six occasions, I have managed to get young ladies into bed, but each time, just as the girl has kind of ‘invited’ me to enter, I have lost my erection.
Why, Doc? Am I lacking in male
hormone?
A No. This is just due to nerves. Many men lose their erections just as they are about to have sex with a woman. That is just because of the stress of the moment. And each time that ‘entry’ goes wrong, this increases the stress which the guy will feel next time, as he starts to think, ‘Will I be able to make it?’
I feel that what you should do now is to calm down and avoid being in too much of a rush. Instead of going with various girls, I think you should try and establish a solid and, hopefully, loving relationship with just one nice female.
It would be sensible to talk to her about your past problems with erection. When the time comes, I am sure she will help you to lose your virginity with her. One final point: in these anxiety-provoking situations, it is often a lot easier if the female goes ‘on top’, with the male lying flat on his back.
Sexologists say that this creates less mental stress for many guys, so that there is less chance of the erection collapsing.
Q Doc, I am female, age 19. I found some of my mom’s old contraceptive pills in the back of a cupboard.
I am going on my first date next month, so do you think it would be OK for me to start taking them?
A No way! First, these pills may well be out of date. Secondly, no one should start taking the Pill ‘off their own bat’. You really do need to see a doc, who can assess whether you are suitable for the Pill and check things like your weight and blood pressure.
I expect she will give you a prescription for pills and explain to you how to start taking them. Also, if you have problems or side effects (and these are common in the early days on the Pill), she will be able to guide you.
PS: Do not assume that because you are going to go on your first date, you will are automatically going to have sex! You should not be in any hurry to lose your virginity.
Q Doc, I am a guy of 19. When I was a younger teenager, I masturbated a lot. Am I right in thinking that this has probably affected my fertility. In other words, my ability to have children?
A No, you are wrong there. There is no way that masturbation can harm your fertility.
Q I am a female of 21 years, and have a slight tendency of depression. Is it true that the Pill would make this much worse, Doc?
A No. Most women who go on the Pill are absolutely fine. Many of them are happy, because when they have sex, they know that they are no longer risking pregnancy.
But just-published research from Sweden appears to show that although the Pill does not increase depressive symptoms, women who are taking it do sometimes tend to report ‘a lower quality of life’.
This was quite a small study and it only involved one particular brand of pill. Its significance is not yet entirely clear.
However, I think it is fair to say that anyone who gets low feelings after going on the Pill should ask her doctor to switch her to a next brand.
Q I am a guy of 18 years. An attractive lady of 42 years has told me that she loves me and that she wants me to go to bed with her, Doc.
Can I assume that at her age, pregnancy is impossible?
A Definitely not! Many women over the age of 40 are still fertile. If you go ahead with this relationship, you must use contraception.
Q I have been told by other girls that it is impossible to get venereal diseases by giving a guy oral sex. Is this true, Doc?
A No, it isn’t. If you give an infected male oral sex (a practice which is called ‘fellatio’), you will probably catch a sexually transmitted infection, such as gonorrhoea or chlamydia. It will establish itself in your throat and cause you health problems. So please pay your friends no mind.
n Email questions to Doc at [email protected]
gleanerjm.com, and read more in the ‘Outlook Magazine’ tomorrow.
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