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The relationship imbalance

News day / OVER the past six months, the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) has addressed approximately 40 complaints from women throughout the region relating to their input into their relationship and disappointment in their expectations.

Let me preface today’s feature by stating quite categorically that a relationship is a partnership and that’s the thinking which should be infused into creating and sustaining healthy relationships. What we are finding more and more, is that partners, in particular women, attempt to change who they are which means compromising their personal identity in an effort to make things work. No two individuals on the face of this earth are the same and therefore, what should be working for each individual is the uniqueness that makes them the blessed person who they are, and it is your uniqueness that should be brought to your relationship table.

Another common occurrence is one partner attempting to change the other. This is illusory and may appear to work in the formative period of the relationship, but certainly as the relationship begins to take a more permanent shape, these attempts will become futile.

Remember, people are creatures of their environment, and socialisation by and large, shape our being as adults. Partners need to engage in healthy dialogue from the onset about each other’s likes and dislikes, similarities and differences, do’s and don’ts, and attempt to work around them in a harmonising rather than a distasteful manner.

Making assumptions without facts is another downside; never assume anything, constantly communicate and enquire about things that you may be unsure of, or feel some level of discomfort.

Many of the problems arise from a place of not enquiring and not understanding your partner’s psyche, and that in itself, often leads to a misguided belief system as well as unexpected disappointment.

Some women have tearfully admitted an input of 100 per cent from their end, but received less than ten per cent from their partner.

Also, non-clarity in a relationship creates imbalance in the lens through which the relationship is viewed and appreciated. One of worst dangers and the most common heartaches that come to the doors of the IWRN is unrequited love, where women and/or men want their partners to love them at the same level that they love. When this does not happen, some quickly feel dejected and even suicidal; it is on this platform of thinking that the disappointment looms.

We continuously advise people to be very open about their relationships, and in so doing, leave a reasonable percentage for disappointment. No one is perfect and unforeseen circumstances are inevitable. Successful relationships are not built upon the premise and/or view that one partner is better than the other, but rather augmenting each other’s attributes and values.

The IWRN will host upcoming sessions on Excellence in Intonation.

Sandrine Rattan is a communications/ branding consultant, author and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: [email protected] or [email protected] or contact 283-0318.

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